There are few and far between topics which I hold a strong opinion on, and even fewer which I would write a blog post on. However one of them is females criticising other females’ appearances. I don’t know what the name or term for this particular topic is, but it seems to be cropping up more and more often and being left unnoticed. The concept of females putting other females down is something I don’t fully understand because for me, feminism and females building one another up instead of knocking each other down (aka girl power) come hand in hand. I can take constructive criticism as much as the next person and I happily welcome it with open arms! But if said criticism is simply a derogatory statement, I’m not too keen on that.
The term “real women” has thrown out alarm bells in my mind for quite a while and it’s a term that has made me think…a lot. Derogatory statements like “Real women have curves”, “A woman without curves is like a pair of jeans without pockets, you don’t know where to put your hands”, “Curves: because nobody likes to snuggle a stick” and “Women have curves, only dogs like bones”, are the culprits. I’m aware that I’ve only highlighted a drop from the sea of catty female hate quotes, but I’m writing this post from a personal perspective and how as a naturally petite woman with barely any ‘curves’, these memes/statements are perceived. Please don’t think I’m living in a paranoid little bubble, because I’m not forgetting about that Kate Moss quote (amongst others) which caused quite a stir and was just as ignorant and derogatory: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”.
My point is that surely a woman’s ‘realness’ doesn’t come down to how curvaceous, voluptuous and bootylicious she is, or equally how slim, toned and thigh-gapped she is. A ‘real’ woman for me is someone who is kind, compassionate, strong, caring, loving and funny; traits which in the long run and in the real world will take you a lot further than your looks. I’m big believer of the mantra, “your looks will take you so far, but your personality will take you the rest of the way” and I don’t understand why these traits aren’t being aspired to more than the perfect body and face.
Meghan Trainor’s song “All About That Bass” which although catchy, sends a questionable message too. Some of lyrics speak utter truth like “I see the magazines working that Photoshop/ We know that shit ain’t real/ Come on now, make it stop” and “Every inch of you is perfect/ From the bottom to the top”, but the feel-good girl-power is short-lived as lyrics like “Momma told me don’t worry about your size/ Boys like a little more booty to hold at night” follow. Firstly, I would cringe to the heavens and hope the ground would open and swallow me up if my mum ever said the word ‘booty’ to me in the middle of an advice session and secondly, I know that if I ever have a daughter, I’ll be telling her “don’t worry about your size, because boys like a cracking personality to hold at night”. The world would be an extremely boring place if all boys did in fact like a little more booty to hold at night and I personally wouldn’t stand a chance! I haven’t just completely missed the fact that the song’s purpose is to make plus-size women feel beautiful and special, because they should! But shouldn’t every woman?
I know I’ve waffled on quite a bit but my point is why can’t women make fellow women feel beautiful and powerful without it being at the cost of another woman and questioning her ‘realness’? Surely we should be able to encourage, boost and compliment our friends and fellow females without bringing others down, and value and compliment each other’s kindness and wittiness as much as one another’s curves or thigh-gap. Beyonce’s “Pretty Hurts” carries that feel-good girl-power factor and a perfect message which should be spread around more than others. I won’t harp on any longer but I’ll leave you with some words of wisdom from Queen B herself: “Blonder hair, flat chest/ TV says, ‘Bigger is better’/ South Beach, sugar free/ Vogue says, ‘Thinner is better'”, “We try to fix something but you can’t fix what you can’t see/ It’s the soul that needs surgery”; girl-power at it’s best don’tcha think?
Melissa McPhillips 