The planet is stuck like a broken record on a sour, bum note and it’s managed to press pause, rewind and remix on all of our lives. The tune we’re all used to bopping along to has taken a big ol’ turn and in true British style, we’re taking the cordial high-road with our trusty “but, it could be worse” phrase. And it doesn’t sit right with me.
I’m surrounded by a wonderful, supportive circle of friends and we gladly offer an ear to one another at any hour of the day, which in lockdown has been a godsend. Over the past few weeks I’ve heard a lot of them dismiss their own corona-inflicted struggles; “I haven’t seen my girlfriend in two months but it could be worse”, “I can’t see my mum for 12 weeks but there’s always someone worse off”, “I’ve started a job in the NHS at the worst time possible but it’s not the worst thing ever”. And like any friend, it’s of those moments where your protective and hype man instinct swoops in.
Like the strong, humble women they always are, I wasn’t shocked to hear their modesty and resistance to wallowing. I admire it. And without a doubt, in turbulent times like these it’s important to find the shiny side. But it’s also important to feel things out and be kind to yourself without dismissing your own hurdles and situations.
“Bright sides are lovely things, but artificial light eventually burns out and loses its spark.”
I think sometimes that sentence can just be finished with “and, it’s crap” or “and I feel really down about it.” My friends, along with the rest of the planet, deserve to feel like their feelings are valid and understood. There’ll always be someone worse off than the next and the next after that, but it doesn’t mean we can’t have a “wow, this is a lot” moment. And let’s be honest, if dismissed, those feelings and thoughts will manifest, grow and sprout again in a few days, weeks or months if they’re not handled properly.
Now more than ever, and hopefully not for much longer, things are all over the show. And we shouldn’t feel ashamed or self-absorbed for acknowledging our situations, no matter how big or small they feel. I’ve seen the phrase “Talk to yourself how you’d talk to a friend” cropping up a lot recently. And we can most definitely out that oremise to practice in these current climes. I think we’d all rather stay in lockdown for another 10 years than dream of saying to our friends in a tough moment, “but it could be worse”. So I for one and am going to try nipping it in the bud with my inner voice too.
Bright sides are lovely things, but artificial light eventually burns out and loses its spark. Let’s keep calm and carry on rationalising and staying positive with yes, the affirmation that it could indeed be a lot worse for some of us. But let’s also keep in mind to embrace feeling a bit hard done by, cheated, sad, underwhelmed and anxious. Because we could all do with more understanding person right now.
Melissa McPhillips 